Why? And for what?

Following Rudyard Kipling's "If", I decided to entitle my post "Why?..."...

I was blessed some time ago to love somebody...and I thought then that it was THAT love. ONCE in a lifetime. and after some time passed, I still believe it was IT...my question is: why? and for what?

God (or something) gave us the power of love. But LOVE reveals itself only to some of us. But I still can not find the purpose. We humans mistake love for obsession, routine , and "getting used to somebody". But true love is more than that. Love means giving without expecting anything back, love is listening to Enrique Iglesias's - Heartbeat at 7:45 in the morning, in your car, on your way to pick up the person you love "equipped" with coffee and lunch. Love is making the perfect gifts, useful and practical in the same time. Love is cooking for both of you without feeling obliged to do it. Love means completing each other in everything. Love means listening, actually listening to the one that's next to you. And finally, love means putting yourself after the person you call your lover.

I realized that when I love somebody with all my heart and soul, I can be everything mentioned above. But, being alone right now means that I went wrong somewhere....somehow...

Or maybe, some (or all) people have been raised to value other things in life than love, like money and sex. Money. As painful as it is, unfortunately, money is worth more than a relationship, of any kind. Money can break any barrier. But is it really worth it? I don't give a shit about money value, but I'm asking you: was it really worth it? yes, I made gifts that I honestly didn't ever think I was capable of even thinking about.

But back to my second question: for what? to be disgraced of what I am? For God's sake, the numbers on my car represent a moment in my life!!for what? for the looks of pure pity representing "oh god!haven't you gone over me yet?" no, I haven't!But you know what? You finally got what you wanted. You got rid of me. In the lowest possible way. You pay some much attention to your job, and you forget about common sense, like calling the person that put food on the table in front of you and welcomed you in her home. Constantly being aware of the fact that she is everything in my life. You hurt me thru her. Ahhh and money...I am dissapointed that you actually thought that I would just walk away from my responsibilities. This is a thought that was inflected to your brain, but the thing that hurts the most is that you actually believed it. But then again, I proved you wrong. I paid my dues. Please do live happily ever after with that money. Was the amount of money worth of loosing a friend and ex-lover? Was it? And you still think that you manipulated me? :) you make me laugh and in the same time you insult my intelligence. I ALWAYS gave you what you wanted, including the thought that you actually manipulated me. you didn't :). but there are some things I'm NOT willing to just pass by.

So, my questions become relevant again. For what? for all of the above?...funny thing...I'm willing to go on the same street again, but with another person. and I'm really trying. But have you noticed? THE ONE is in your dreams night by night and on your hard-drive aswell :) I can still surprise myself looking at pictures on a certain flash-drive I'm the only owner of...

Why love then? So you can face society, principles and power? True love is NOT worth fighting for! You will only get dissapointed and dumped. Untill the human race remembers what the true values of life are, love isn't really worth fighting for...

But I guess that what is in your soul nothing can wipe away...not even money or another person. you're still..."hooked" :) I still feel it :) Hope always dies last...